Inappropriate

Here are some of my writings about the words "appropriate" and "inappropriate". I decided to write about it today because Josh F. used it once when he wrote a comment about my website. I'd like him and others to consider my thoughts on the word. I used google to search my site for the word. Here is one quote I found:

Here is a good example of how the words appropriate and inappropriate are used. It starts out with this:

You might ask "Who decides what is appropriate or inappropriate?" Here is the answer to that question.

The Northeastern University Appropriate Use Policy

4/23/07
The information systems of Northeastern University are intended for the use
of authorized members of the Northeastern community, in the conduct of
their academic and administrative work.

To protect the integrity of computing and information resources against
unauthorized or improper use, and to protect authorized users from the
effectsof unauthorized or improper usage, the University reserves the right,
with or without notice, to monitor, record, limit or restrict any account
holder's access and/or usage. The University may also monitor, record,
inspect, copy, remove or otherwise alter any data, file, or system resources.
The University reserves the right to periodically check these systems and to
take any other actions necessary to protect the computer, network and
telecommunications facilities. The University also retains access rights to all
files and electronic mail on its computing and network facilities. Anyone
using these systems or networks expressly consents to such monitoring.

Any unauthorized, inappropriate, illegal or illegitimate use of the University's
computing and information resources, or failure to comply with these
guidelines shall constitute a violation of University policy and will subject the
violator to disciplinary action by the University up to and including
termination of employment or relationship, and may result in legal action.

When a violation is identified, the appropriate system manager or unit head
will undertake a review and initiate action in accordance with University
policy. In addition, the University may require restitution for any use of
computer or network services that violates these guidelines. The University
may also provide evidence of possible illegal or criminal activity to law
enforcement authorities.

Notwithstanding any other provision of this policy, authorization to access
the information systems of Northeastern University ends at the termination
of employment, end of a recognized role or relationship, or loss of
sponsorship. Students may continue to use their Northeastern electronic
mail account for up to one (1) year after completion of requirements.

Any questions about this policy or the applicability of this policy to a
particular situation should be referred to the Director of Information
Security and Identity Services, or Director of Internal Audit.

The University's information systems consist of all networking, computing
and telecommunications wiring, equipment, networks, security devices,
servers, computer systems, computers, computer laboratory equipment,
workstations, Internet connection, cable television plant, and all other
intermediary equipment, services and facilities. These assets are the
property of Northeastern University. The Appropriate Use Policy describes
how these assets are permitted to be used.

1. Access to and use of Northeastern information systems is a privilege
granted by the University to its faculty, staff and students. Additional
electronic experiences as they may be offered to parents and extended
populations, are included under the access and use provisions of this
paragraph. Access for up to one academic year for others including
"sponsored" individuals whose relationship with Northeastern is a result of a
University recognized affiliation or relationship, must be approved by the
authorizing unit's Dean or Vice President. Such access may not be renewed
without the written approval of the Senior Vice President for Administration
and Finance. The University retains sole discretion over the extent to which
access privileges are granted and/or extended.

2. Users may only use those computer accounts and facilities that have
been authorized by the University for their use. Use of another person's
account, and/or security devices, the presentation of false or misleading
information or credentials for the purpose of obtaining access to information
systems, or unauthorized use of computing or electronic facilities, is
prohibited.

3. Users are responsible for all use of information systems conducted under
their user ID(s), and are expected to take all precautions including password
security and file protection measures to prevent use of their accounts and
files by unauthorized persons. Sharing of passwords is prohibited.

4. Users may not offer, provide, lend, rent or sell access to University
information systems. Users may not provide access to individuals outside
the University community. Expansion or redistribution of Northeastern's
networking and cable television services are not permitted. Personal, private
or departmental switches, routers, wireless access points or DHCP-serving
devices may not be connected to centrally-managed network segments,
except only as may be agreed to in writing between the device owner and
Information Services. For security reasons, dial-up modems may not be inuse
on computers while they are connected to the University network,
except only as may be required for bona fide academic or administrative
purposes, and where appropriate security measures are in place.

5. Use of University information systems for hosting non-University
activities must have the explicit written authorization of the Senior Vice
President for Administration and Finance prior to the use.

6. While the University attempts to protect electronic communication and
files from unauthorized access, this cannot be guaranteed. Users may not
access, copy or move files including, but not limited to programs, data and
electronic mail that belong to another account, without prior authorization
from the accountholder. Files may not be moved to other computer sites
without permission from the holder of the account under which the files
reside.

7. Users may not use remote resources such as printer and file systems,
regardless of location on or off the Northeastern network, unless the
administrator of the remote resource has first granted permission to do so.

8. Northeastern information systems may be used for lawful purposes only.
Users must not use their accounts or Northeastern information systems for
unlawful purposes, including, but not limited to the installation of
fraudulently or illegally obtained software, illegal dissemination of licensed
software, sharing of content where the disseminator does not hold lawful
intellectual property rights, or propagating chain letters, pyramid, ponzi,
other unlawful or deceptive schemes, or for any purpose contrary to local,
state, federal law or University Policy.

9. Use of University information systems must comply with the provisions of
copyright law and fair use. Copyright law limits the right of a user to
decrypt, copy, edit, transmit or retransmit another's intellectual property,
including written materials, images, sounds, music, and performances, even
in an educational context, without permission, except where such use is in
compliance with Fair Use or TEACH Act provisions.

10. Printed materials, computer equipment and storage media containing
sensitive and/or protected information, shall be handled in accordance with
Information Disposal Guidelines, Asset Disposition procedures, and
hazardous materials regulations.

11. Users are responsible for the timeliness, accuracy and
content/consequences of their web pages and other electronic writings.
Posting of personal, family or other identifying information is at the sole
discretion of the user, and is a discouraged practice.

12. The electronic privacy rights of others shall be respected at all times.
Use of audio, video, cell phone, "web cam" or related technologies, for the
purpose of capturing images and/or recording speech in locations or
circumstances where a reasonable expectation of privacy exists, is
prohibited without the consent of the subject(s) depicted and/or recorded.
This provision shall not apply to lawful surveillance conducted by
appropriate law enforcement agencies. The University reserves the right to
impose additional restrictions on the use of electronic recording devices, in
its sole discretion. Questions about the applicability of this provision to a
particular situation should be referred to the Office of University Counsel or
the Director of Information Security and Identity Services.

13. University information systems may not be used for commercial
purposes except only as permitted with explicit prior written approval of
University Counsel and the Senior Vice President for Administration and
Finance.

14. Internet use must comply with the Terms of Service stipulated by our
Internet service provider(s). These policies are incorporated by reference. In
addition, the acceptable use, Terms of Service and/or other policies of the
system(s) also bind users of the Internet connection and resources to which
they connect. At the time of this writing, the Internet service providers for
Northeastern University are Level3 Communications (www.level3.com),
Sprint (www.sprint.com), Northern Crossroads (www.nox.org), and Abilene
Network/Internet2 (abilene.internet2.edu).

15. Users may not use information systems irresponsibly, wastefully, or in a
manner that adversely affects the work or equipment of others at
Northeastern or on the Internet.

27. Use of Northeastern University information systems must comply with
all applicable local, state and federal laws, including, but not limited to, the
following which are incorporated herein by reference:
* Massachusetts General Laws Chapter 266, Sections 33(a) and
120(f), which imposes sanctions for, among other acts, destroying
electronically processed and stored data or gaining unauthorized access to a
database or computer system.
* United States Code, Title 18, Sec. 1030 et seq., Computer Fraud
and Abuse Act, which imposes sanctions for, among other acts, knowingly
accessing a computer without authorization or in excess of authorized
access, knowingly causing damage to protected computers, or trafficking in
password information.
* United States Code, Title 18, Sec. 2510 et seq., Electronic
Communications Privacy Act, which imposes sanctions for, among other
acts, interception of wire, oral or electronic communications.
* United States Code, Title 18, Sec. 2701 et seq., Stored Wire and
Electronic Communications and Transactional Records Act, which imposes
sanctions for, among other acts, intentionally accessing without
authorization, a facility through which electronic communication service is
provided, or intentionally exceeding authorization to access a facility,
thereby obtaining, and thereby obtaining, altering, or preventing authorized
access to a wire or electronic communication while it is in electronic storage.
* United States Code, Title 47, Sec. 223 (H)(1) et seq.,
Communications Act of 1934 (Amended), which imposes sanctions for,
among other acts, use of any device or software that can be used to
originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are
transmitted in whole or in part by the internet, without disclosing the
sender´s identity, and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any
person who receives the communications.

NOTICE OF RIGHT TO CHANGE APPROPRIATE USE POLICY
The University reserves the right to change this policy or any portion of the
policy, at any time, without prior notice. Changes to this policy are effective
upon posting at http://www.infoservices.neu.edu, where the most current
version resides.

This is an excerpt from a from a letter to the lawyer that Ocean's father paid to stop me from talking to her in 2005.

By the way, in your first letter you said something about my “inappropriate communication” with Ocean.

... before I forget, I really don’t want to do anything illegal, so if me writing “Ocean” on here is a violation of the judge’s order or even if he would rather I not use the name Ocean, then just let me know and I can refer to her like you did. I think you said something like your clients’s “minor child”. To me this makes her sound like she is about 6 years old instead of the 17 which she is, but that’s just my opinion.

So back to the word “inappropriate.”

First, is there a difference between inappropriate and illegal?

I ask this because so far you haven’t told me that I have done anything illegal in talking to Ocean.

We all know that I have told Ocean I love her. Is this illegal? Or is it what you would call “inappropriate?”

I would really like to know what parts, specifically, of my chats with Ocean you believe are “inappropriate.” And I would also like to know what parts are illegal according to the laws in the state of Washington.

My second question about the word “inappropriate” is, could you please define the word for me and tell me how a person knows what is appropriate and what is inappropriate? Could you also tell me if you think a person should make their decisions according to what other people think is “appropriate” or according to what their heart and conscience tell them?

And could you also tell me if you think that what is commonly thought of as “appropriate” in one culture or one country should be imposed on other cultures or countries according to which group has the most physical power? Or let me even ask if you think that one group of people should impose their beliefs about what is “appropriate” on one or two individuals.

And I would also like you to tell me what you think about the relationship between a) freedom and b) the forced imposition of beliefs about something like what is “appropriate” and what is “inappropriate”.

I would also like you to tell me if you think there should be a good explanation for forcing someone to do something, or if you think a law is a good enough reason in itself and no further explanation is needed.

From www.eqi.org/ot1.htm

Reading this letter again a few years later triggers a strong feeling of hostility towards this person and to all over-educated (university wise) people like this. I guess that is all I will say about it. But it saddens me and sickens me to think this is the kind of person universities produce. I feel offended that this person didn't get why I wrote to everyone. I only did so after the university ignored me. This person scares me. These kind of people scare me. I honestly say I hope this person doesn't become a parent. It offends me that he or she said they are sympathetic to my cause. Is that the sense you get when you read the letter? It sure as hell wasn't the sense I got then and not the sense I get now. S. Hein July 2007

Steve,

I received your e-mail regarding the alleged sexual harassment by Maurice Garnier at IU in the 1970s. First, let me say that I am sympathetic to your cause. [I have omitted some personal details he or she shared]

With that said, .... I think that the way you are proceeding is clearly of a malicious intent. It is highly inappropriate for you to send e-mails to the entire faculty population and the entire graduate student population in the department.

....it is clearly inappropriate for us, members of the IU sociology community, to respond to such allegations....we are in no way connected to these incidents.

Does this mean that we are not sympathetic to your concerns? Of course not. Does this mean that we are defending Maurice? Of course not. Does this mean that we are taking part in the "bureaucratic bullshit" that, as you suggest, is IU? Of course not. What it does mean is that, as a community of professionals, we are trying to act as such. As a community of professionals, we are trying to stay out of a situation which we SHOULD stay out of. We are NOT connected to this situation. It is unprofessional for us to become engaged in a situation where we do not know the truth...where we do not have the facts...where we do not know all of the actors involved. Further, this is a very personal set of allegations. This kind of matter should not be settled in such a public way.

As a graduate student I knew nothing of the situation until I received your bizarre e-mail. ... There is no proof of the events. As far as I know, there is no pending legal case. As far as I know, there is no current investigation. Thus, why was I drawn into this situation? I have come to the conclusion that I have been drawn into this situation because, regardless of whether your allegations are true or false, they clearly embarrass Dr. Garnier in front of his colleagues. Thus, I believe you sent the e-mail to us (the grad students) in order to embarrass him. In my opinion, that is malicious.

Once again, I would like to reiterate that I am sympathetic to your concerns. If these allegations are in fact true, then my heart goes out to you. I can only hope that you will get the proper professional help and obtain the ability to move forward in your life. However, I must also reiterate that the manner in which you are proceeding diminishes the credibility of these allegations. From my point of view, that of an objective observer, it appears as though you are trying to embarrass Dr. Garnier in front of his colleagues. Why else would you bring so many innocent people with no knowledge of the events into the mix? I am not defending Dr. Garnier as I do not know him in any capacity. However, I am in no position to offer anything to this situation and would urge you to leave me, and other people with no knowledge of this situation, out of the mix. This is something that should be handled by an official investigation or legal proceeding...not something that should be handled in the court of public opinion.

Sincerely,
An IU Sociology Grad Student

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Numerical analysis of actual letter:

Number of "should"s = 4

Subjective labels:

"professional" and "unprofessional") = 4

"bizarre" = 1

"inappropriate = 2

"malicious" = 2

Number of "I think"s = 1

Number of "of course not"s = 3

Number of all cap words = 2

Number of "I feel" sentences = 0

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From www.eqi.org/garnier3.htm

I am still thinking about this letter. How this person asked a question and answered "of course not". This is fucking offensive. This person sounds like a university professor already, giving a long lecture with almost no sense,or concern, with how the audience is feeling. How many university professors really care about their students? Too damn few I'd say. Especially in huge universities like the one I went to.

Notice her use of the word appropriate. What if the parent thinks they hit the person in an "appropriate" way? Who is to decide?

The Contradiction between his personal beliefs about emotion and the academic theory on EI

Close reading of the 1995 book seems to indicate that Goleman does not place a high value on the inherent value of our feelings. Certainly it seems clear to me that he places far less value on them than do the leading academic researchers in the field. Throughout the book an underlying theme is that emotions need to be restrained, tempered, controlled, managed and regulated. He seems to agree with the quote "Rule your emotions, lest they rule you." For instance, Goleman titled one chapter "Passion's Slaves." Tellingly, (I use that word mockingly, just in case you missed it. If you read the section on how DG manipulates his readers, you will understand.) I have never seen him refer to the idea that our emotions draw attention to what is important to think about, one of the central themes in the work of Mayer, Salovey and Caruso.

Goleman actually seems to be afraid of emotion and emotional expression. Later I will talk more about this, but I suspect that you will notice it if you go back and look at the book again. He even seems judgmental at times about feelings, telling us when it is "appropriate" and when it is "inappropriate" to display emotions.

Here is an example from an article written about EI:

"It's just management by niceness" is one criticism, with the implication that the approach lacks weight. Goleman disagrees, pointing out that EQ has nothing to do with 'letting it all hang out' and everything to do with controlling emotions so that they are used appropriately. (From http://www.teammanagementsystems.com/tms12-1s.html)

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Side commentary: I have noticed that people who use the word "appropriate" usually seem to believe they know what is "appropriate" for others. I have also noticed that such people tend to be judgmental, self-righteous, and rigid in their thinking. Consider the child who is told, "Your behavior is not appropriate." The child doesn't understand what is wrong, though, since this is no explanation at all. It is simply a more refined way of saying "Because I said so."

Dan's use of the word "appropriate" may be a reflection of his own fundamental insecurity. I say this because I have also noticed that insecure individuals tend to be the most uncomfortable with any signs of emotion, especially strong negative emotion. When they feel uncomfortable, they are likely to tell you that your behavior is inappropriate. They are not aware enough and emotionally literate enough to express their own feelings, in particular their fears. Or, perhaps they are afraid their own feelings do not hold sufficient authority in their own right, so they make a general, categorical statement, as if it were universally given. This is about as helpful as telling someone something is wrong because it says so in the the Bible (or the Koran, Book of Dao, Book of Morman, etc). It is what some would call a cop out -- a failure to take personal responsibility for their decisions, beliefs, and feelings.

It reminds me of a time when I asked someone at a Montessori School how she felt about me putting my feet on the table so I could position my laptop computer legs and type. She said, "It doesn't matter how I feel! It simply is not appropriate at a Montessori School!" (This is not a reflection of the Montessori principles, by the way. This particular school did not live out the ideals of Maria Montessori.)

In short, to say something is "inappropriate" is not science. I can understand what Goleman is doing, and I think I have an idea why he is doing it, but I do not excuse him for mixing science with his personal experience of life.

These parents are an example of what can happen to children and teens who are raised by people who use words like "inappropriate". Their daughter ended up becoming addicted to heroin.

After a confused, tired Polish man who could not speak English was killed with a taser gun by the police in the airport in Canada, an airport authority said:

Today I started a page on what I call "decoding". The first 49 items are all from the same person. This is a person who frequently uses the words "appropriate" and "inappropriate".