Attention

I believe it's natural for us to seek attention. I believe this is especially true when we are in need. For example, if you were drowning, would you want attention? If your house were on fire, would you want attention?

I also believe it is natural for us to want attention when we believe we have something important to say, for instance if we wanted to warn someone of an impending danger. If you knew that a building were on fire with people inside, would you want others' attention even if you yourself were not in danger?

I have heard parents say "Ignore him. He just wants attention." To me this is similar to saying, "Don't feed him. He is just hungry."

Here is one way a child with high EI could be emotionally damaged. Let's say he grows up in a family where whenever he needs attention his mother ignores him, and she believes this is a way to make him strong or self-reliant, or to simply teach him not to bother her with his needs. Sadly, based on my experience and observation, this may rule rather than the exception, at least in dysfunctional families.

Let's compare this lesson in emotional management with an actual situation which I observed in Australia, in the home of the family I talk about in my editorial on Shevaun.

A six year old girl was sitting at the table. She put her feet up on the table. Her mother sharply reprimanded her, but the girl defied her mother's orders. I then said something like, "That looks pretty comfortable." Her mother then said, "Ignore her, she is just trying to get attention."

I got up from my chair and went and tickled the little girl, saying, "Well, my theory is that if a child needs attention, you give it to them!" The little girl quickly removed her feet and returned to eating with a smile on her face, having received the attention she sought and needed.

This is a much different way of managing emotions and emotional needs than the mother's approach. I believe it is safe to say that the two differing approaches will result in significantly different scores on a test like the MSCEIT by the time the child is an adult.

Copied from ei_ed2.htm

Is it attention someone wants (and needs), or love?

In May 2006 I wrote something like this in my journal..

If our natural, healthy need is for one thing, and we try to substitute something else, that something else will never fully satisfy us. For example, if we need love and we try to substitute love with sex, we could have sex everyday but that alone would never meet our need to feel loved.

I am not sure where I first heard the expression "you can never get enough of a substitute", so I did the search shown below. Based on the results not many people are saying this, but I totally believe